Facing The Realities Of Farang Face

Face, an important but difficult to define cultural concept, holds great sway in many Asian countries. In Thailand, it is as important as the air you breathe. It’s about your reputation, your image, your honor, and the esteem you are held in by others. But more. It is at work 24/7 whether you realize it or not, and greatly impacts your relationship with a bar boy be that a 15 minute one or one that has been going on for several years. Farang who care about what their boy du jour thinks of them, and those who like to treat their offs with respect, consider the guy’s face in how they conduct themselves. Those that don’t lose face without ever realizing it.

The importance of face to a bar boy, and the cultural oddities that stem from that concept, are a popular subject on the gay Thailand message boards with numerous pundits weighing in on what is important to the working guys and how best to not dis them. But face is important to Thailand’s visitors too. It’s just different than that for locals. A successful relationship is incumbent on the actions of both parties involved, and the face a farang gains or loses greatly impacts the face of the Thai he is with. Yet the idea of farang face seldom gets aired. That may have a lot to do with how little respect many farang are deserving of in the first place; countless punters throw theirs away within the first few minutes of hooking up with a new guy. And then wonder why they get burned, land a dud, or get taken for a ride so often. Face, like respect, is something you earn. Like your reputation, it is something you should protect. And not being Thai, from the bar boys’ viewpoint, you are already starting off at a disadvantage.

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My best off ever in Thailand (don’t tell Noom) was my first night with Nut, the little Burmese muscle dude who used to work at Tawan. He was new to the bar then, had only worked a few nights, and I was one of his first customers. Eventually he became one of the stars of the bar and built his body into a solid ball of pure muscle. But on our first night together he was more of a youthful Adonis. Athletically built, but not overly so. He was gorgeous. And while it was years before he admitted to being Burmese, his smile exemplified that which Thailand is famous for from the get go.

If I think about that night hard enough (no pun intended) I can remember the sex. His body takes no effort in recalling. Even if my memory primarily remembers it dressed in a pair of tighty whiteys that fit like a second skin. But what I really remember about that night was his innocence, his sense of humor, and his personality. We spent most of the night cracking each other up. And spent far more time talking than we did having sex. Naked, but talking nonetheless. Which was pretty amazing in its own right since he spoke but a handful of English words. Not to mention that usually when I’m in the presence of a hot naked man, I revert to using sign language.

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